So my last blog was met by an unanticipated rebuttal; I was talking about the peculiarity of being lonely in the constant company of others. I expected some would share my experience, some would give advice, some would tell stories of loneliness overcome and intimacy attained. What I didn't expect was,"How unfair of you to assume I am as miserable as you!"
Now, that is not a direct quote. I indulge poetic license in all things. But it was the incredulity, the sense that their happiness was called into question, the implied condemnation that took me aback.
Of course, being a philosopher, a cascade of responses flooded over me, each clamouring for my attention. I will share a few of them with you:
The Sophmoric Retort: Poor simple fool, you only claim not to be lonely because you fail to experience the fullness of human relationships. If only you could but taste the sweet nectar of human intimacy you would never again be satisfied with the puerile small-talk of daily life encounters.
The Sarcastic Challenge: Alright guru of inner peace and happiness. You are obviously successful while the rest of us remain lonely failures. Share your wisdom, deliver us from our weaker selves. Share with us the pathway to social integration.
The Psycho-babble Affirmation: I hear your outrage and acknowledge my mistaken overgeneralization. Can you validate my suffering in turn?
The Liberty Defense: I have a right to interpret reality anyway I choose. If I wish to assume that you are as lonely as me, then that is my business. If you choose to interpret my blog as groundless speculation and erroneous assumption then that too is your right.
The Passive-Aggressive Turtle: I was just sharing my feelings... you don't have to get huffy.
The Socratic Reversal: You understand that by interpreting the motives and judgments underlying my comments in an unnecessarily pessimistic fashion you are committing the same assumption-crime you are condemning.
None of these is really what I think, though they are all fun to argue. Leah's comments made me question my assumptions, to dig deeper for what I really thought. And, honestly, I have to admit to a hermeneutic of suspicion. Simply put, I believe that anyone who claims they are happy is lieing or crazy or mistaken (or a combination of these three). I am not claiming infallibility on this point. I am not even claiming I have good reason for believing it. But Leah's response forced me to explore one of the core assumptions of my worldview; No one is satisfied. Everyone is lonelier than they should be, luckier than they could be and happier than they have good reason to be. Not happy, just happier.
The sad reality of my befindlichkeit: if you say you are not lonely, I don't believe you.
Aren't these moments fluid, are we always in a constant state of feeling one particular way? Personally, I have moments where I feel lonely and moments when I feel I'm surrounded by people who know me. I'm under the impression that our emotions and feelings change constantly, I'm not saying I don't feel lonely sometimes, but it isn't something that overshadows my life.
ReplyDeleteGraham 'Leif' Dickie:
ReplyDeleteHuh, funny differing perspective, when you say you are lonely I don't believe you. String theory would state that we are so interconnected we are inseparable. It is only in the limited perception of this hologram that your brain has that there is anything but a whole. So really, it’s just lonely in your head ;)
Leaha Maisonneuve:
And really, Have I been lonely? Yes. will I be lonely? Sure at some point, like many other emotions and states i will pass through in life. But fundamentally when and how must vary with each person.